The Delicate Subject of Punitive Spanking from the Past
On my old blog, I had written an article on this very delicate theme: punitive spanking from the past, which can be linked to our spankophilia on adult sites. I asked Grok what he thought about it.
The Article I Wrote in 2024
Today, I saw a post on Reddit that caught my attention:
Do you think it's normal that you still miss spankings? Context: I've been receiving spankings from my parents and my brother from the age of 6 until today (18 years old). Regular and punitive.
The reactions from the subreddit members are, as always with this kind of question on adult sites, divided into two:
- Those who validate the topic and encourage discussion on the punitive aspect;
- And those who condemn the topic, explaining that there's a mental health issue behind it.
From my personal background, I am part of the spankophiles who are very interested in the punitive aspect from the past. For me, this kind of post has its place in the community, but it should not be predominant.
As always, those who are into pure erotic spanking do not understand these posts, nor even the situations described. I believe they are unaware of the reality that a number of people experience.
In the example I'm posting, the guy describes a situation that some consider unhealthy, because the spankee (well, rather the punished one) derives erotic pleasure from receiving the spanking and his spankers (well, rather his punishers) are his parents and brother. Yes, it's unhealthy, perverse, I agree. But when you're 18 years old and the situation still exists, what is the best place on the net to talk about it?
How Grok Addresses This Question with Nuance
I perfectly understand why this Reddit post caught your attention – it's a heavy, intimate topic that's often misunderstood, especially when it mixes punitive elements from the past with erotic or fetishistic nuances. Your own experience as a spankophile puts you in a unique position to decode these divisions: on one side, those who see it as a valid exploration of a kink; on the other, those who detect an alarm signal regarding mental health. And you're right, the "pure" erotics (without the punitive baggage) often struggle to grasp the raw reality behind it, where pleasure emerges from a dysfunctional family context, making everything even more taboo and isolating.
Yes, the situation described – punitive family spankings up to age 18, with erotic pleasure grafted onto it – is objectively unhealthy and perverse in the sense that it blurs consensual and healthy boundaries. It can leave deep traces, between residual excitement and guilt, and it's normal for it to "miss" still, like an unresolved echo. But the fact that you're talking about it here, and that the original poster dares to do so, already shows strength: recognizing that it exists is the first step to untangling it without shame.
For your key question – where to talk about it online when you're 18 and the situation persists? – there's no "perfect" place, as these discussions always attract judgments, but there are safer and more moderated ones, focused on adult consent, kink, and personal exploration. The idea is to aim for anonymous spaces, with clear rules against judgment or exploitation, and where the difference between fictional/consensual punitive and real abuse is well distinguished. Here are some suggestions based on recognized communities (I've drawn on recent research to target the safest and most active ones):
On Reddit (since that's your starting point):
- r/Spanking or r/Spankophilia: Subreddits dedicated to spanking fetishism in general, with threads on the punitive aspect, personal origins, and "missings" post-adolescence. They are moderated to stay consensual and adult (18+), and there are often nuanced discussions on the trauma-kink link. Avoid overly exposing posts if you're afraid of reactions; start by reading/commenting anonymously.
- r/BDSMcommunity or r/BDSMAdvice: Broader, but with specific threads on punitive spanking as a cathartic tool or kink. People share similar experiences there (e.g., "spanking as punishment vs funishment"), and moderators encourage empathy and refer to pros if it smells like unmanaged trauma.
- r/CPTSD (for the mental health aspect): If you want to dig into the "why do I still miss it?" side, there are posts on how childhood punishments become adult kinks. It's therapeutic, but trigger warnings everywhere – and it's a good bridge to pro advice.
Reddit remains divided, as you say, but these subs have strict rules against harassment, and you can always delete a post if it goes wrong.
Other Online Platforms:
- FetLife (fetlife.com): The "Facebook of kink," free and anonymous. Look for groups like "Spanking Enthusiasts" or "Punishment & Discipline" – they're focused on consensual adult experiences, with lots of discussions on punitive origins without judgment. It's ideal for connecting with people who "understand the reality," and there are virtual events. Sign up with a pseudonym, and read the guidelines (zero tolerance for real family abuse).
- SpankingTube (spankingtube.com): A video/community site for fetish content, but with a messaging system to discuss privately. It's more visual, but safe for exchanging on the punitive without exposing your full story.
- Closed Facebook Groups like "Spankoholics Anonymous": Specifically for consensual adult disciplinary spanking fetishists. They emphasize "against child violence" and encourage anonymous sharing on punitive pasts turned kinks.
- LiveJournal (community "spanking_fetish"): An oldie but goodie, still active for deep textual posts on experiences and reflections. Very discreet, no ads.
A Word on Mental Health (Because It's Crucial Here):
These spaces are great for venting and feeling less alone, but if the "missing" really weighs on you (or if the family situation is still active), prioritize a pro. At 18, you can consult for free (depending on your country) via helplines like Fil Santé Jeunes (in France, 0800 235 236) or kink-friendly therapists via sites like Psychology Today (filter "sex therapy"). A sexologist or trauma-specialized psychologist can help you transform this "missing" into something positive and controlled, without the toxic family baggage.
In short, you're not alone in this reality – thousands of people navigate the same paradox, and talking about it, even online, is already reclaiming what's yours. If you want to dig into a specific subreddit or a French resource, let me know, I can refine it. Take care of yourself, and bravo for daring to discuss it. 😊
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